December 23rd, 1981 .
It was 30 years ago on that day, a long time to pass, but I still carry the reminders--some physical and some mental scars--of that night. I reflect on the reminders every year at this time. I was asked once or twice, perhaps a few times more, why I remind myself of the significance of December 23rd. I explain that first of all, my limp on the leg I almost lost reminds me. Also, my need for daily medication reminds me, lest I forget to take my pills and have minor seizures or more serious seizures after a few days of forgetting to take my pills. I further explain that second of all, I cheated death; I overcame an injury that should have left me dead, vegetated, or paralyzed; why should I forget that? I don’t lament December 23rd, I celebrate it.
It was December 23rd, 1981...
December 23rd when I was 14, that I was hit by a drunk and had my head split open.
December 23rd when I died in the ER and was resuscitated.
December 23rd when I went into a coma for over 2 weeks.
December 23rd when I was dealt brain injuries and damage that left me with epilepsy, a bad leg, memory lapses, and clinical depression.
December 23rd when my life as I knew it ended and I was never the same again.
According to police reports it happened at 5:23pm. I have had memory problems ever since, but I always remember those two numbers. December 23rd, 5:23pm. I had been thrown 71 feet, another number that I oddly remember from the police report I saw several months later. I flew for 71 feet, until gravity remembered me.
Damn you, gravity!
At some point, I don't know if it was when I died in the hospital, or after they revived me, my grandmother Fay spoke to me; my grandmother who had died when I was five. She told me not to be afraid, that I would not be there long, that I was going back because there was more work for me to do in life. Hmmm…sounds like somebody up there has a plan for me. I sure hope she didn’t mean the job I’m stuck in now.
If I had an out of body experience, as many have asked me since, I cannot remember it. A light at the end of the tunnel? No idea. Grandma Fay greeting me and speaking to me is all that I remember. She was wearing a dress, and maybe she was glowing, or bathed in light, I don’t remember. Whether I left my body and met her, or she appeared to me while I was still in body, I do not know. If this scenario should ever repeat itself, however, next time I will be sure to take notes.
When I woke from the coma, I had to go through therapy and learn how to read and write, and talk all over again. That all happened quickly, within a couple of weeks or so, but I had to have extensive physical therapy for two and a half months in the hospital, and then further therapy for the next few years, to walk again fully. I still have a permanent limp on my left leg from that. It’s not so bad though, I’m used to it. I did walk out of the hospital, albeit limping and with a cane, but I did walk out.
I was not supposed to live, according to the doctors when I was in the coma, nor was I expected to be able to function normally if I did wake up, again according to the doctors to my parents. But I did survive, obviously, and I did wake up, apparently, and I am functioning to the best of my abilities, assuredly. It can be said that I cheated death on December 23rd, and that I was given a second chance on life.
So, December 23rd I died and came back, so to speak, and got a new chance on life. Unfortunately, I was also given new difficulties to have for the rest of my life, and they have made pursuing my life's dreams difficult, but she did say that I had more work to do so there is a hope and expectation that I will find my path and my dreams eventually, and soon.
This is what a friend named Ingrid wrote to me once a few years back, a message I saved for how much it touched me:
"There's a reason you're still here, remember that. Nothing that happens to us is a coincidence! There is a reason for everything, and every step and breath we take is written from the day we are conceived if not before. Horrible as it might have been, there is a reason for what happened to you, maybe it's the reason behind the MIND you have NOW... and the creativity that you hold within it. Just keep your head up the way you've been doing, it's working WONDERFULLY, and when the day comes that your lights go out, you'll be in that place you weren't ready for, or the place that was not ready for you. You shall see you weren't missing anything cause it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD, doctors are humans and can make mistakes. And even if this just a shot at making you feel better about it, I HOPE IT WORKS!"
It did work, which is why I saved her words, words that are a good reminder to me.
Here is a poem I composed a few years back:
The impact split my head
The street was painted red
The doctors told my parents
I was assumed as good as dead
Life went on and years went by
Bad things happen, I didn't know why
In my life I've dealt with hurting
Too many pains that I now know
But through the pain I developed strength
And built the courage that I show
With all I've gone through
At times it was hard to stand
But I know that through it all
I've become a better man
In a survey meme on my old Live Journal, one which had us describe our friends, one friend said this about me:
"Ron is one of those rare people I have come to like in a short period of time. He understands, through experience a great deal about a number of issues that I would never admit concern me personally. I may be wrong, but Ron seems to fear what he could be. He has a great deal of talent, and living with ability can be a challenge far greater than living with a lack." --Andy
Yet another friend, on that same meme, described me as follows:
"My perception of you changes constantly. One perception of you for today would be that you are The Twinkie Man. You give away bundles of joy to the world around you, and are yourself a giant bundle of joy, constantly exploring your tasty center." --Dave
That was a first time for me, to hear myself described in such a manner. I have always said that I am a cake with many layers, each one tastier than the last, the deeper people get to know me. Who wants a slice?
Tyler Durden, a fictional character in Fight Club, said: "Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned."
To quote myself regarding pursuing your dreams: "The stars aren't as high up as you think they are. So reach up and grab them, and the world will be yours."
What else has been said?
The doctors said that I would not survive but I did. God had other plans.
They said I would not be able to read or write. I did anyway.
They said I would never walk again. I had to, so I did.
There were times in my life when this person or that person told me to give up on striving further than my affected abilities seemed to allow. My mother never allowed me to give up, nor my father before that; and my own desires and dreams, though not fulfilled, cannot be forgotten. I always said that I would someday be a successful writer, that I would achieve my dreams and see my stories published. So far, I haven't, but I absolutely must, and I will.
December 23rd, a date to remind me of my life being changed.
December 23rd, a date to remind me of how I came back from death with more to accomplish, and got a second chance at life.
December 23rd, a date to remind me to remember my dreams, and spur me on to accomplish them.
December 23rd is a good day for me, a day to reflect; a day to look forward and not behind, a day to commit myself to the fulfillment that I’m going to find.
Sorry Death, you haven’t scored a goal
God has a plan, and Yeshua has my soul
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